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j jackson, editor-at-large
(nope. they haven't caught me yet.)
VERIFICATION "Alan Colmes has been called an on-air punching bag, a runt, wishy-washy, a milquetoast and -- this one must really hurt -- a conservative at heart." [Newsday] {I just knew was right on this one. It's nice to have one's opinions verified.}
BORDER DISLOGIC A Massachusetts' man is sentenced to eighteen months for sneaking up behind a woman in grocery market and licking her feet and toes. {Now, c'mon. Even though it was his third offense, I mean, eighteen months? No wonder there's a crisis in prison space. Couldn't they have sentenced him to do community service in a shoe store or something while wearing a muzzle to prevent him from licking women's feet? What better punishment than that?}
THE LIBERAL PRESS MYTH We [journalists] reached our intellectual adulthood with daily close-ups of the inequality in a nation that was founded on the commitment to equality for all. So we are inclined to side with the powerless rather than the powerful. If that is what makes us liberals so be it, just as long as . . . we adhere to the first ideals of good journalism. (Walter Cronkite) [Salt Lake Tribune] {But now, a growing number of journalists are siding with the powerful, belying the waning "truth" that journalists are liberal, turning it into just another urban myth and undermining the tenets of "good journalism."}
BY ANY OTHER NAME "Joe Lieberman is on the presidential campaign trail, embracing his inner centrist. Wherever he goes, he calls himself "an independent-minded Democrat." His rivals, he says, are big spenders, weak on defense - or both." [USA Today] {Independent-minded Democrat? Yeah. In these here parts we call that a moderate Republican.}
MEXICAN FOOD A trained hawk, used by the Parks Dept. in NYC as a control for pigeons, attacked a Chihuahua in Bryant Park and sunk talons into it. Bystanders separated the animals and the owner hustled it off to a vet. A park falconer said "I sincerely believe the bird mistook it for a rat because it was in the shrubbery." As a result of this incident officials have put the hawk program on hold. {Oh. c'mon now. What's the big deal? A Chihuahua is nothing more than a big rat anyway.}
A MAN OF THE PEOPLE DEAD DOG WALKING DEADLY FAT "Calling himself a 'smut peddler who cares,' porn king Larry Flynt on Monday formally announced his bid for California governor but acknowledged that voters might not be able to stomach his sleazy background." [Yahoo] {I don't mind. I'd vote for him. Hey, Larry. Need a campaign worker? E-mail me.}
POINDEXTER RESIGNS After the terrorist futures market idea and the Terrorist Information Awareness program are ridiculed by almost everyone and anyone for being proposed invasions of privacy, or at least stupid ideas, John Poindexter, infamous liar from the Nixon administration's Iran-Contra scandal, decides to resign. Senator Leahy (D-VT) is reported [Wired] to have said "The problem is that these projects were just fine with the administration until the public found out about them. The lesson seems to be that you can do whatever you want quietly, so long as it doesn't become a public embarrassment." {Alright! Put it to 'em, Leahy! And Wow! I never saw this coming! But maybe I should have. Even Poindexter's "buddies" at the Defense Department had to balk at the terrorist futures market idea. Ha! Now who's missing the point?}
OH, RATS THE FUTURES OF TERRORISM The British Journal of Ophthalmology reports that men (and presumably women) who wear tight neckties have a higher risk of getting glaucoma, due to increased blood pressure in the eyes. {Guess I'm okay here. I haven't worn a tie in many, many years.}
DON'T DROP THAT BABY Citigroup and J.P Morgan make a $255 million deal with the feds to avoid further charges. The SEC claimed that the banks created "special-purpose entities" that enabled Enron to hide its debts. [NPR] {This is just more evidence that what I wrote about earlier is true. What I want to know is why isn't anyone going to jail? How do you expect to stop this kind of crap if executives who break the law get off without being punished while the stockholders and employees end up paying the costs?}
TALK TO THE HAND
PARLEZ VOUS FRANÇAIS? "The French Ministry of Culture recently ordered the replacement of the English term 'e-mail' with its French equivalent, 'courriel,' in all government documents, publications, and Web sites. The new term is a blend of courrier 'mail' + el from electronique 'electronic'... The order originated in the General Commission on Terminology and Neology which is closely allied [with] the Académie Française (French Academy), long-time overseer of the purity of the French language. It now seems to have earned the support of the French government." [Word of the Day Newsletter]
OLD COW SPINES AND BRAINS "Science: In Brief -- A study finds that U.S. kids are fatter but much less violent than ever. Also: Canada may ban old cow spines and brains from use in human food." [Wired] {Hmmm. It seems logical that fatter kids would be less violent; they're more sated, and thus more relaxed, with less of an edgy nature. But what about those old cow spines and brains? Could they be having an effect on childhood aggression?
THE END IS NEAR "After laying off 50 staff at Netscape, AOL has moved all remaining employees to another project, heralding the inevitable demise of the browser." The Mozilla foundation will continue development of the browser as open source. Internet Magazine {Well, it took a while, but it looks like that dog is finally dying. And it's about time.}
LOWERING THE INTEREST Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, testified before congress that the Fed will keep interest rates low "as long as needed" to stimulate the economy. He also said that the Fed wil consider further rate cuts. [NPR] {If we wait "as long as needed" for the economy to start growing again, then what's the difference what the interest rates are? Eventually, it's going to start to growing again. Why not let market forces control the rates? Could it be any worse? Or are we making it worse, or prolonged, by not allowing it to run it's natural course? With rates as low as they are now, who really cares at all how they invest their money? It hardly matters where you put it if you opt for safe investments.}
TELEMARKETERS BECOME CRITICS " The Federal Trade Commission estimates that the 17 million individuals who have already signed up on the national do-not-call list could eliminate up to 80 percent of unwanted telephone solicitations. The telemarketing industry says the list raises free speech issues and that it will lead to massive job losses." [NPR] {Aw, gee. Are the irritating little mother-fuckers that impose themselves on people's privacy getting a little bit irritated themselves? Too fucking bad. How do like that karma, huh? Besides, the jobs that will be lost are ridiculously low-paying and without benefits and take advantage of those people who are down on their luck or can't do anything else.}
THE PEOPLE'S BEST INTEREST "U.S. telecom companies poised to build a cell-phone network in Iraq are bidding for government contracts. Do they have the best interests of the Iraqi people in mind?" [Wired] {What a stupid question. Do they even have the best interests of American people in mind? Of course not. They're only interested in the best interests of their stockholders--and even that is sometimes suspect.}
THE DEAN OF APPROXIMATION From The Hardball Newsletter: "Chavets: A Democrat leaps in and lands on his face...Last Sunday on 'Meet the Press,' host Tim Russert asked Howard Dean if he knew the size of the American military. 'Somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 or 2 million,' the former governor of Vermont replied. (The correct answer is 1.4 million.)" {Ah, isn't 1.4 million somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 or 2 million any more?}
LET YOUR FREE FLAG FLY A Latrobe, PA bottler pisses off veterans when he flies a Christian flag above the American flag. His reasoning? "God over country." A dissenter says "That's a fine statement to make. But that gives no one the right to fly the flag above the United States flag." [Pgh Chnl] {In fact, he's talking out his ass.Everyone has the right to fly any flag over the U.S flag. The established protocol is only a "guideline," and no penalties are specified for its violation. After all, this is a free country, isn't it?}
OFFICIAL BURGLARS WITH BADGES Hillary Clinton is reaping the rewards of a best seller. Her poll ratings continue to rise. (USA Today) {Funny. I liked Hillary a lot better before she started publicly dissing Bill. Now, she seems to me to be more the normal politician than the victim. But I guess her ploy is working if more people like her. Just goes to prove that people can be led around by their noses.}
ALL I NEED IS THE AIR THAT I BREATHE "The Pentagon launched a campaign on Wednesday to rebut allegations it sought to mold U.S. intelligence findings to support the view that Iraq's alleged weapons of mass destruction posed an imminent threat to American interests." [Reuters] {This one is, as they say, a 'no brainer.' Of course, they "sought to mold U.S. intelligence findings." That's what they do. That's par for the course. If they hadn't sought to mold U. S. intelligence findings, now that would be news.}
BAD CHOICE After eight years of indecisiveness, the House of Representatives is about to pass a bill outlawing partial-birth abortions. [MSNBC] {I'm generally against abortion. But I believe in choice. Pregnant women should be allowed to decide their own futures. But if a woman is too indecisive to make that decision before the third trimester, then fuck her. (Whoops, maybe that's a bad word choice here.)}
FCC FAVORS BIG MEDIA "The makers of hardware and software applications that let viewers screen out objectionable content from their movies are asking a federal judge to throw out a lawsuit by Hollywood studios and directors." [Wired] {The Hollywood drive to stop the distribution of software that will filter "objectionable" material out of DVDs is disingenuous and hypocritical. They don't want their content altered for artistic reasons, and yet they'll sell their product to TV, which edits it in the very same way, and then some.}
OOOOMMMM "Our mantra is that we want to expand human potential through innovation," says a researcher, describing his group's goal to help disabled people to learn and communicate. [Wired] {Now all he gotta do is look up the definition of the word 'mantra.' Unless they got an organization full of people walking around repeating "We want to expand human potential through innovation...we want to expand human potential through innovation...we want to..." But maybe he was speaking metaphorically, like, that's their "catch phrase." But now that I think of it, I like the first sense better. It's more likely to induce an altered state of consciousness. All businesses and organizations should adopt this psychology. Imagine the employees of a corporation like GE, for example, walking around chanting "We bring good things to light...we bring good things to light... we bring good things to light... It might actually achieve some spiritual purpose. Like, maybe they will actually start to bring good things to light, instead of...oh, never mind. It's not worth it.}
SHREDDING THE PATRIOT ACT "Two 13-year-old Beaver County students...allegedly had oral sex in plain view of others during a [school] bus ride..." [PghChannel] {Oh, man, was I born a generation too soon, or what?)
BIG BROTHER'S BIG BROTHER? The "Future looks bright for those interested in a life of unemployment, experts say. In Backatcha, Ga., 37 of the town's 38 retail outlets, factories and fast-food establishments have laid off their entire workforce, leaving only one small convenience store to meet the growing local demand for generic beer, sleeping pills and ammunition." [Salon] {So, what else could you possibly need in these hard times?}
OO-OOO THAT SMELL "Denizens of Naples, Italy, are fed up with their smelly city. Two weeks ago, dumps started overflowing and other areas refused to take the garbage. 'The stink was brutal. Flies all over the place. There were mice,' said a grocer. Locals donned surgical masks, schools closed down and vandals set brimming bins on fire. Enraged Neapolitans put their bodies before trucks trying to pour overflowing garbage into an unsanitary dump. The city has since cleared most of the stench and trucks have transported garbage to other Italian regions. Still, the mayor applauds citizens' indignation: 'I'd prefer a city that reacts too much to one that doesn't respond at all.' " [Wired News] {Yeah, and maybe the citizens would prefer a mayor who reacts so that they don't have to.}
THE TALKING TEENAGE CELLPHONE BLUES "Next time a teenager says, 'Mom, if I don't have a phone ... I'm going to be a nobody,' they are being serious," a recent study reveals. Wired News reports that "...teens who don't have cell phones are socially cut off from their cell-phone-savvy peers." And "Cell-phone-toting teenagers only talk to people who have the devices." {So, the next time your teen says this to you, you say "Listen. These are not the kind of people I feel that you should be associating with. If that is the kind of company you want to keep, do it when you're eighteen and working and can afford your own cell phone, and until then, find some genuine friends.}
TURN ON, TUNE IN, DROP DEAD Can a psychedelic drug such as LSD actually be good for you? [MSNBC] {Timothy Leary's dead. But the controversy he started isn't.}
SCARY HILLARY
"DUDE, THAT PHONE IS DOPE" |
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