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Prophecy 3

Christopher Walken

A half-angel/half-human fights bad angels who appear to be good in order to prevent some poorly-defined spiritual event from occurring. Nothing special.

Executive Decision
warning

Kurt Russell, Halle Berry, Steven Seagal

Better than average action film, but ultimately nothing much. Good premise and subtle execution of the "mystery man" subplot. Great sarcastic resolution of the "action hero" subplot as Seagal gets sucked out of a stealth fighter just before it breaks apart and disintegrates. Maybe I liked this movie more than I want to admit. Still, though, it's not much. Just a clever way of doing what's been done before so many times. New twists on an old cliche.

Life

Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence

Two New York prohibition-era losers go to Mississippi to buy a load of booze to transport back to the city (What? They can't find a moonshiner any closer than that?) and end up being framed for a murder and spending the rest of their lives on a prison farm. The black version of the Shawshank Redemption. Great acting, especially the two stars as old men.

Pink Cadillac

Clint Eastwood, Bernadette Peters,
Geoffrey Palmer, James Cromwell

A bounty hunter chases the wife of a petty criminal involved with a ruthless militia group with a camp in the deep woods. Sounds a lot more sinister than it really is. Actually, it's pretty bad. Lots of stereotypes, cliches, bad dialogue, and bad acting, even from the principles. And the militia. Look out. They'll make you laugh to death. (Get it? They're a joke.) This has to be the worst movie ever made. Even Geoffrey Palmer comes off bad. James Cromwell is interesting as a motel owner, though.

Nothing Personal

Donald Sutherland, Suzanne Sommers,
Dabney Coleman, Roscoe Lee Browne,
David Steinberg, Chief Dan George
bit parts: Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy

A college professor teams up with a lawyer (in more ways than one) to prevent seals from being slaughtered by a company that's building a military base in Alaska. It sounds good, but it gains something in the translation. Actually, it's a pretty bad film, filled with dated (and probably bad even back then) appeasements to the women's lib movement and other wishy-washy liberal fringe elements that ruled Hollywood at the time. And Southerland was way too cute and trying way too hard. And there was way too much exposure of Somers' thighs. Too obviously manipulative. A few good lines, though--such as "He looks like that black actor, the one that wasn't in Roots." (Dabney Coleman)

Empire of the Ants

Joan Collins

A real estate entrepreneur pushes swamp land via boat tours to remote beaches, but one fateful tour encounters giant ants that have fed on toxic waste dumped into the sea by an unscrupulous company. The queen ant mesmerizes the populace, turning poeple into proxy ants who do her bidding. Pretty bad. Lots of screaming, but no substance. Even Joan Collins looks terrible. Or maybe she was acting. Nah.

12 Monkeys

Bruce Willis, Madeline Stowe, Brad Pitt,
Christopher Plummer, Frank Gorshin

A masterpiece of storytelling technique disguised beneath a complicated science fiction tale. Bruce, a decrepit and defeated prisoner of the future is sent back in time to the year 1996 where his superiors hope he will find answers to the riddle of how the Earth was poisoned by a plague. But the problem is, his superiors are not that competent at time travel, or apparently at too much else either. Great scenes and a great atmosphere (of course; Terry Gilliam directed it). It takes at least several viewings to get all there is to get from this complexity.

Shanghai Noon

2000

Jackie Chan, Lucy Lui

Jackie plays a disfavored imperial guard who follows to the American West a princess who decides to escape from a pending marriage with a guy who disgusts her. Filled with the usual tongue-in-cheek humor, this is a typical Jackie Chan film. Not much, but I like the guy. Favorite line from the film: "It's a Mexican standoff although we ain't got no Mexicans."

Sleep With Me

1994

Eric Stoltz, Meg Tilly, Craig Sheffer,
Joey Lauren Adams (of Chasing Amy fame; I love her),
Parker Posey, June Lockhart, Quentin Tarantino

Three college friends, two guys and a girl, grow up and face the realities of adult life as two of them get married and the third hides his love for the girl until after the marriage. Powerful acting and emotions maintain a charged atmosphere throughout. Tarantino's cameo scene is hilarious.

The Ice Storm

1997

Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, Toby MacGuire, Henry Czerny,
Christina Ricci, Elijah Wood, Segourney Weaver, D: Ang Lee

The story of a family torn apart by their middle class seventies' values that resulted from their fifties' sensibilities clashing with their sixties' liberation, a particularly devastating concoction. This film turned out to be everything I thought it would be, and more. You can't predict it. Every time you think you have, it takes another twist. And Christina Ricci's performance borders on kiddie porn. I loved it.

Red Headed Stranger

1996

Willie Nelson, Morgan Fairchild,
R.G. Armstrong, Royal Dano, Katherine Ross

A preacher (Nelson) from Bucks County, PA takes his new wife (Fairchild) to Montana where he is to replace a pastor who is retiring, and he runs into local difficulties that he sets about to straighten out, with devastating consequences. This film is storytelling at its finest. Coincidentally, I saw Gator the same day, and R.G. Armstrong looks pretty much the same way back then as he did in '96 when this film was made. Katherine Ross plays her usual endearing role. Morgan Fairchild pays her usual cunt self. And, a scene near the end of the film features Royal Dano with his eyes open all the way.

Switchback

Dennis Quaid, Danny Glover, R. Lee Ermy

A rogue FBI agent pursues a serial killer who, in an act of vengeance, murdered his wife and kidnapped his son. Glover plays the heavy in this typical murder mystery that tries too hard to be different.

Last of the High Kings

Catherine O'Hara, Jared Leto, Christina Ricci,
Gabriel Byrne, Colm Meaney, Stephen Rea

A coming of age film set in Dublin County, Ireland. Irish Catholic Frankie thinks he's failed his final high school tests and worries about his destiny. He has the summer to while away before he receives his test grades. He puts his time to good use by planning a beach party, defying his mother by dating protestant girls and, generally, growing up. Great acting all around, with a particularly good performance by Catherine O'Hara. I could have sworn I was watching Maureen O'Hara herself.

Return of the Native

1987

Catherine Zeta Jones, Joan Plowright

A Hallmark production. A young woman, determined to escape from her provincial home in the English countryside, sets her sites on Paris. She keeps her suitor, who is engaged to be married to another woman, on hold until she drops him for a man returning from Paris, she thinks for a visit, although he plans on staying. She schemes to get him to marry her and agrees to his six months of study in preparation for opening a school in a less backward place. But tragedy befalls him. Nevertheless, she remains true to him and wallows in her misery. But the rumors and innuendo that have plagued her all her life force them apart and, just as they are to be reunited, fate takes a hand. A classic story, traditionally told. Thoroughly well plotted with excellent characterization. A masterpiece.

Gaby: A True Story

Liv Ullman, Robert Loggia, Rachel Levin, Norma Aleandro

The story of Gabriel Brimmer, a victim of cerebral palsy since birth, who with the help of a Mexican nanny and devoted parents learned to overcome her severe handicap, go on to college, get work as a journalist, and write a book and a movie. Inspiring stuff.

Soldier Boyz

Michael Dudikoff

The Dirty (half) Dozen of the West Coast Ghetto. A billionaire's daughter on a UN mission is shot down over North Vietnam. Disaffected special forces vet Toliver (Dudikof) is assigned to to rescue her, and he recruits young inmates from the correctional facility where he works. Pretty much a worthless film, unless you like gratuitous violence. Good scene with a huge snake in a burlap sack placed over the head of one of the guys.

The Good Son

Elijah Wood, Macauley Caulkin, David Morse

A boy, after the death of his mother, goes to live with his uncle and his psychopathic cousin. Not very original, but full of well-developed suspense, despite its predictability.

Desperate Hours

Mickey Rourke, Anthony Hopkins, Mimi Rogers, Elias Koteas, Shawnee Smith, Lindsay Crowse, David Morse

A very smart shoot-em-up that demonstrates how things can so easily get out of control despite the FBIs best laid plans. Well done, but I thought the Bogart version was better. It had less action, but felt more intimidating.

The Cell

Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughn, Pruitt Taylor Vince

A team of FBI agents led by a man with a quirky agenda of his own tracks a serial killer. A bizarre psychological thriller with scenery like works of art and costumes designed to make Lopez look even better than she already does. But don't mistake this for a mere Lopez vehicle. This film is filled to overflowing with psychology and symbolism.

Lady in a Cage

1964

warning

Olivia DeHaviland, Ann Southern, James Caan,
Jennifer Billingsly, Jeff Corey, Scatman Crothers

Brutal film portraying graphic violence way ahead of its time. Lots of gratuitous woman-slapping and rough-sex innuendo. Particularly memorable ending where Caan gets his head crushed beneath a car tire. Caan's first major role, his film debut if you don't count a bit part in Irma La Douce (which nobody does).

Midnight Lace

1960

Doris Day, Rex Harrison, John Gavin, Myrna Loy,
Roddy MacDowell, Herbert Marshall

Bad acting, especially Ms. Day's (I'm not afraid to say it), and terribly stereotypical roles, especially Ms. Day's (she gives modern women a real black eye), cannot detract from the well-developed mystery plot (that nevertheless lets you down a bit in the end). A great whodunnit--or rather, who's doing it, or going to do it.

Band of the Hand

1986

James Remar, Lawrence Fishburne
(back when he called himself Larry)

Juvenile film about five troublemakers in Juvenile detention who are taken to the everglades and turned over to a Native American Vietnam vet social activist who teaches them survival skills, thereby improving their 'self-esteem.' From there, they go to Miami, where they move in with Haitian immigrants and protect them and themselves from local bad boys (headed by Fishburne) and eventually come up against the drug kingpin (Remar) in a raid on his processing plant. Not worth watching, really. No real payoffs.

Cat Girl

1957

Barbara Shelly, Robert Ayers

A one dimensional gothic tale that is not nearly so good as Cat People or Curse of the Cat People, which it obviously was designed to emulate. It's worth watching, however, for Shelly's performance as a woman who thinks she turns into/enters the body of a pet panther at night and prowls the countryside killing people at the psychic instructions of the woman, who doesn't have to leave her room in order to kill. The mechanics of how it all works is a little bit confusing, but Shelly's acting is superb. She resembles Faye Dunaway in appearance and behavior, and it's worth watching the film for this reason alone. Her performance rivals Simone Simon's.

Staying Together

1989

Dermot Mulroney, Sean Astin, Tim Quill, Stockard Channing, Melinda Dillon, Levon Helm, Dinah Manoff

Cute little well-acted, but scattered and relatively meaningless film. Three brothers start to go their own ways after their father sells his restaurant and his acreage in order to retire; but strong family bonds pull them back together again.

Payback

1998

Mel Gibson, David Paymer, Lucy Lui, William Devane,
Kris Kristopherson, James Coburn.

Modern film noir with Gibson in an atypical anti-hero role. A small time crook is double-crossed and left for dead by his wife and his partner after a robbery. But he doesn't die and returns seeking revenge. Better than average.

At the Earth's Core

1976

Doug McClure, Peter Cushing.

Typical Edgar Rice Burrough's stuff. Scientists drill into the earth with a new-fangled machine and discover a civilization of humans enslaved by giant telepathic birds. You know, realistic stuff.

Being John Malcovich

1999

John Cusack, John Malcovich, Cameron Diaz,
Catherine Keener, Mary Kay Place, Charlie Sheen.

I knew this was going to be a good movie, but I had no idea it was going to be this good. Diaz is hot, and so is Keener. Talk about an identity crisis. This film gives the term a whole new twist. Cusack discovers a portal that takes people into the mind of Malcovich for 15 minutes. But that's just the beginning.

Three Faces of Eve
warning

Joanne Woodward, Lee J. Cobb

Still holds up. As good today as when it was made. A case study of a Midwest woman who suffered from multiple personality disorder and was supposedly cured.

Meeting Venus

1991

Glenn Close, Niels Arestrup, Jay O. Sanders

Excellently acted, level-headed film about the politics behind preparing a Wagner opera for performance. And, by the way, it's also a great love story, full of pathos and internal drama. First-rate.

Bright Angel

1990

Dermot Mulroney, Lili Taylor, Sam Sheppard, Valerie Perrine
Mary Kay Place, Bill Pullman, Delroy Lindo

Sad tale of a small town teen who leaves his home in search of his mother after she leaves his father. He ends up getting a lot more than he expects, but he turns out to be equal to the tasks set before him. Interesting, over the top performances by Lindo and Pullman. And Lili Taylor is hot.

The Amazing Transparent Man
warning

An ex-spy, disabled by shrapnel, concocts a scheme to steal fissionable material for his experiments by breaking an expert burglar out of jail to aid him in his plan to create an invisible army. (How expert could the burglar be if he's in jail?) But the plan backfires when the thief proves to be a little too much for the guy to handle. When the treatment of transparency (which is actually invisibility) proves to be fatal and the thief has only a month to live, he's convinced to act for the betterment of mankind, proving that it's easy to be moral when you think you're going to die. Basically, this is a superficial, underdeveloped plot. (The film is only 64 minutes long.) As I watched, I saw many ways that the story and characters could have been developed to make this into an at least viewable movie. As it is, at its best it's more like an old Twilight Zone episode.

Sixpack Annie

Lindsay Bloom, Jana Ballen, Stubby Kaye

Hee-Haw meets The Dukes of Hazard. The niece of a restaurant owner goes to visit her older sister, who is living in Miami and working as a prostitute. The niece's mission is to find a "sugar daddy" to give her the $5600.00 she needs to pay the mortgage on her aunt's restaurant and avoid foreclosure. Basically a dumb and totally immoral movie, but there's something about it that's very entertaining. Maybe it's the stupid jokes, or the sexual banter, or maybe it's the partially clad young ladies. Yeah, that's it. And not only for their bodies. They were appealing also for their minds. [Men have to say that.]

Heat

Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNichol,
Karen Young, Howard Hesseman.

Better than average Reynolds flick. Gambling addict Reynolds, plays it close to the chest in Vegas, but the combination of working as a bodyguard for a whiz-kid millionaire (MacNichol) and helping a hooker ex-lover (Young) get revenge against a Mafia punk who abused her precipitates change and breaks his losing streak.

Scanners

Stephen Lack, Jennifer O'Neil, Patrick McGoohan,
Lawrence Dane, D: David Cronenberg

Starts out as an intriguing premise with the mysterious Cronenberg mood, but ends up as a more typical good guy/bad guy shoot-em-up, with minds as weapons. Could have been a much better film without Lack, who seems out of tune with the rest of the cast.

Where The Heart Is

1990

Suzy Amis, Uma Thurman, Crispin Glover,
Dabney Coleman, Joanna Cassidy

Don't waste your time. Three of my idols are in this film and I didn't like it. It's worth watching, though, to see Uma Thurman nude--even though you couldn't see much. She was painted. Still, the idea was there, and the brain is the biggest and best sex organ. Lots of art and artsy-farsty stuff, but the film loses its way and turns into a vague, lame version of A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy.

Big Girls Don't Cry, They Get Even

This is just another one of those dumb movies, really, but I'm a sucker for the plight of disaffected teenage girls. There is a certain charm about a girl who runs away and survives on her own wits, and the acting is done well enough, and the production values are good, so why not like it?

Earth vs. The Spider

Teenagers battle a mutant tarantula that is mistakenly taken for dead and displayed in the high school auditorium. About as bad a production and acting as you can get. I could make a better movie with a cheap VHS recorder and my neighbors as actors and crew.

Fire Down Below

Steven Segal, Marg Helgenberger, Harry Dean Stanton,
Levon Helm, Kris Kristopherson

An EPA agent (Segal) is sent somewhere down south (I missed the actual place; somewhere like Kentucky or Tennessee) to investigate toxic waste pollution. Thinly disguised as a do-gooder Christian carpenter (get it?) who's there to help people repair their houses, Segal's character, a highly skilled self-defense expert (of course), may be a bit overqualified for the job. I mean, are EPA agents really all that buff? Typical Segal stuff. Not too bad, though. Good payoffs re how Segal's character interacts with the local community.

The Peacemaker

George Clooney, Nichole Kidman

A Russian train explodes, revealing a conspiracy to those in the know who don't have their heads up their asses. Army special agent Clooney and civilian specialist Kidman are assigned to find out what's going on. Just another special ops/espionage flick.

The Glass Shield

Michael Boatman, Lori Petty, Elliot Gould,
M. Emmet Walsh, Ice Cube, Michael Ironsides

Overly complicated plot is hard to follow. Old tired themes. But it's a true story, or at least it's set up to look that way. Pretty boring. The only thing that held my interest was Lori Petty, who played a Jewish lesbian cop (not much of a stretch?) who befriends the new black recruit and helps him battle the bigotry of the department. Cartoon title sequence is reminiscent of "Tank Girl" and is probably intentionally trying to capitalize on that film's success.

Memphis Belle

1990

Matthew Modine, Eric Stoltz, Sean Astin, John Lithgow,
David Straithairn, Billy Zane, D.B. Sweeney, Harry Connick Jr., Jane Horrocks

The true story of the first bomber crew to complete 25 missions during WWII. A great story, but with incredibly hokey dialogue. They tried to capture the culture of the times, and instead ended up documenting the stereotype.

Lionheart

Eric Stoltz, Gabriel Byrne, Nicole Cowper, Talia Shire

A young knight-initiate is a coward in his first battle and runs away. He decides he will travel to Paris to find and fight with King Richard. Along the way he encounters children, whom he ends up leading on a crusade of his own. Should have been a good fantasy, but turned out kind of juvenile and lame. Even the personal magnetism of Berne and a young Eric Stoltz couldn't save this one.

Guilty As Sin

1993

Rebecca DeMornay, Don Johnson, Jack Warden, Luis Guzman

A lawyer, chosen by a sociopath to defend him, becomes the object of his obsession. Rather unusual plot resolution. Pretty ordinary, even boring stuff until then, though.

Seven

Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, Gweneth Paltrow,
R. Lee Ermy, Kevin Spacey

A dark, macabre story about a jaded detective (Freeman), who is looking forward to his imminent retirement, and his young replacement (Pitt), who voluntarily transfers to the city from an upstate unit. The young guy's wife is the object of a sinister subplot that resolves the main plot's complicated twists. Spacey is the perfect bad guy (of course). Favorite line: "It's impressive to see a man feeding off his emotions." (Morgan Freeman)

Major League II

Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen, Tom Berrenger, Bob Eucher, Margaret Whitton (Auntie Vera in The Secret of my Success), David Keith, Randy Quaid

The follow-up season to the first movie. It may be the major league in baseball, but it's the minor league in film. This movie is exactly like sports itself: at times entertaining, but essentially valueless. (It's always nice to watch Margaret Whitton, though.)

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

1993

Cary Elwes, Amy Yasbeck, Dave Chapelle, Richard Lewis,
Isaac Hayes, Mel Brooks, Tracy Ulmann, Avery Schreiber,
Patrick Steward, Dom DeLuise, Dick Van Patten

Robin of Locksley (Elwes as a near-perfect Errol Flynn look-alike) returns to England to spoof all of the traditional 'Hood' tales. There's nothing like a Mel Brooks' film for stupid jokes that work.

The Oxbow Incident

Henry Fonda, Harry Morgan, Dana Andrews, Anthony Quinn

Three men are falsely accused by a lynch mob of the murder of a local rancher. Re-aired every time a current event indicates that a more tolerant attitude toward justice and vengeance is warranted. In that sense, this is a valuable social text; but otherwise, it's a highly overrated morality tale. Good, but value-dated, with long, boring, preachy monologues.

Eraser

Arnold Swartznegger, Vanessa Williams,
James Caan, James Coburn, James Cromwell

A non-governmental operative (Williams), an employee whistle-blower type, is targeted for extermination by agency insiders, but Ahnold saves her, and the lame plot. The parachute jump was particularly interesting. Good chemistry in the restrained relationship between Williams and Arnold, surprisingly enough. Plot twists include the Mafia as the good guys.

Door-to-Door

2002

William H. Macy, Helen Mirren, Kyra Sedgwick, Kathy Baker

Made-for-tv film about a man with cerebral palsy who becomes the top salesman in his company through "patience and persistence," just two of enumerable values taught to him by his mother. Macy continues to demonstrate his versatility as one of the era's best actors.

One Fine Day

1996

George Clooney, Michele Pfeiffer, Charles Durning

If I were going to put together a kit to instruct people on how to manage their relationships (which isn't a bad idea; maybe I'll do it), this is definitely one film I would include. Two disillusioned divorcees, parents of schoolmates, run into each other and cautiously try to avoid the inevitable, with entertaining and enlightening results. A cute, mature film that doesn't rely on cheap thrills to get its point across.

CB4

1995

Chris Rock, Chris Elliot, Phil Hartman, Ice Tea,
Ice Cube, LaWanda Page, Tommy Davidson

An interesting (mostly due to Rock's influence), but ultimately worthless farce about rappers developing their contacts and careers. A more serious actor than Elliot might have elevated the story a bit. Tommy Davidson's small part was a brilliant moment, as were the celebrities cameos early on, but their promise fell flat as the "rapumentary" format disintegrated into a lame plot talkathon.

Electra Glide in Blue

1973

Robert Blake, Billy "Green" Bush,
Elisha Cook, Royal Dano, Jeanine Riley

Classic filmmaking in a modern format. A short Southwest motorcycle cop aspires to become a detective, and he gets his chance via some sharp police work when he finds an apparent suicide that he proves is actually a murder. But the suit business turns out to be not what he expected. This film is not at all dated, and probably never will be. Violent to the extreme, but in a perfectly realistic way. Like others of its genre, this masterpiece could not be made today. Superficial Hollywood wouldn't allow it.

Educating Rita

Michael Caine, Julie Walters

A lovable but irresponsible alcoholic college professor (Caine) reluctantly takes on an Open University student (Walters) and through his tutelage transforms her into a literary sophisticate. Great story, excellently done. Another of a series of films that demonstrates that you don't need overt sexual scenes to prove passion and attraction.

THX-1138

Robert Duvall, Donald Pleasance

You might think this sci fi masterpiece is about the future, but it's as much about the present. Religious adherents confess their sins to a computerized god, mental patients are confined by an enormous white room with no walls, men and women live together in dyads without sexual intercourse and take pills to repress any emotional states that might interfere with their work as productive citizens. Who does that all sound like?

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

Jim Carey, Courtney Cox

Ultimately, just another stupid movie, another lame vehicle for Carey to act ridiculous in. But I did find myself laughing at a lot of stupid little things--but not at Carey's physical performance.

A lot of good lines, like:

Cox: "You know what? You're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger."
Carey: "Yep. And you're ugly."

and

Cox: "You really love animals, don't you?"
Carey: "If it gets cold enough."

Defense of the Realm

Gabriel Byrne, Denholm Elliot, Greta Sacchi, Robbie Coltrane

Two newspapermen work to expose a British conspiracy cover-up. Much overrated by critics, I thought. It's just an ordinary movie. Elliot gets top billing, yet he dies near the start of the film. Now, that's star status, or respect.

The Osterman Weekend

1983

Burt Lancaster, Craig T. Nelson, Rutger Hauer, Dennis Hopper, Chris Sarandon, Meg Foster, Helen Shaver,
Tim Thomerson in a bit part as a motorcycle cop,
D: Sam Peckinpaw, his last film.

A talk show host is recruited by the FBI to spy on his friends. Either there were some serious logical flaws in the story/plot, or else I missed a whole lot.

Demolition Man

Sylvester Stallone, Sandra Bullock, Wesley Snipes,
Dennis Leary, Nigel Hawthorne

In order to rein in a ruthless sociopath (Snipes), a cop (Stallone), accused of excessive violence and cryogenically frozen as punishment, is thawed out in the future, when society has become effectively passive, but lame, with an aggressive, suppressed "underground" hiding out beneath the city. This film got some bad reviews, which I agree with, but I don't care. I liked it anyway. I especially liked the difficult chemistry between Stallone and Bullock. It fit right into the story.

Beautiful Girls

Timothy Hutton, Matt Dillon, Natalie Portman,
Uma Thurman, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Rosie O'Donnell, Mira Sorvino

A struggling musician, living aimlessly in New York, returns to his upstate hometown for his ten year high school reunion. Low key film with lots of minor payoffs. I like the fantasy of the preteen next door neighbor, Natalie Portman. I guess I'm just a pervert at heart. Some great lines by Rosie O'Donnell.

Howard the Duck

1986

Lea Thompson, Tim Robbins, Jeffrey Jones

No more stupid than any other stupid movie. A talking duck is transported to Earth via a technology experiment gone awry. When this film first came out, it caused quite a stir. I can't even imagine why. It's pretty lame. Never mind the incredibly bad science that prohibits suspension of disbelief. It's just a stupid movie. Lea Thompson, who was as sexy as I ever remember her, wastes her talent and Tim Robbins is just plain dumb, revealing none of his later star quality. About the only interesting thing in the whole movie is Jeffrey Jones' portrayal of a scientist inhabited by a Dark Lord of the Universe--and that just barely held my attention.

Save the Tiger

Jack Lemmon, Jack Gilford

This film may be more relevant to today's business world than it was when it was made. A business owner, at wits' end as to what to do to save his clothing business, plans arson. The very simple plot is overshadowed by excellent acting and great characterizations. I don't like Jack Lemmon. I think he's vapid, his acting style is too obvious, and I hate the whining wimps he always turns otherwise great characters into. But this movie is an exception. Here he plays it completely straight, and it paid off with a deserved academy award for best actor. And the story was great too. None of that forced Hollywood resolution stuff here. Instead, we see a portrait of a highly socialized man in the middle of a midlife crisis, which we all do not so much resolve as just sort of transition out of too slowly to really notice. The ending is up in the air, perfectly reflecting this phenomenon.

Crimes of the Heart

Sissy Spacek, Diane Keaton, Jessica Lange,
Tess Harper, Sam Shepard

When the youngest sister is arrested for shooting her husband, the black sheep singer of the family returns home from California to reunite the family and stir up old dynamics. Interesting, original characterizations. Solid acting. Great script.

Two for the Road

Albert Finney, Audrey Hepburn, Jacqueline Bisset, William Daniels

The story of the life of an affluent English couple, told via cutting between the present and flashbacks of their past together on vacations to the continent, back to the time when they first met. What results is an effective rendering of the typical difficulties of married life.

High Fidelity

1995

John Cusack, Jack Black, Lili Taylor, Joan Cusack, Tim Robbins, Sara Gilbert, Bruce Springsteen, Catherine Zeta Jones

The exploits of a classic underachiever vinyl music storeowner, his two employee sidekicks, and his top five all time break-ups with women. Very smart film. This blew me away with its erudite wisdom and literary technique. I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't know it was going to be this good.

Class

Andrew McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Jacqueline Bisset,
Cliff Robertson, John Cusack

A basically amoral film (I loved it) about a guy who unknowingly picks up his prep school roommate's mother in a Chicago bar, has an affair with her, and falls in love.

The Kentucky Fried Movie

Cameos: Henry Gibson, Bill Bixby, Donald Sutherland,
and a cast of unknowns

A parody of Chinese Kung Fu movies and other tv fare framed by farcical tv commercials and news events. I can't believe somebody took this stuff seriously enough to make a movie out of it. I think they were shooting for cult status, but failed.

Sodom and Gommorah

Steward Granger, Anouk Aimee, Stanley Baker

An overly dramatic, but otherwise good film about Lot and his tribe as they settle near, negotiate with, and leave the Biblical landmark.

Ride with the Devil

Tobey Macguire, Skeet Ulrich, Jewel, D: Ang Lee

The trials and tribulations of Missouri state loyalists caught between the two sides during Civil War. Jewel's first film. She's pretty good, but in an undemanding role. Not a very profound film, but entertaining.

Roadie

Meatloaf, Gaillard Sartain, Alice Cooper,
Debbie Harry and Blondie, Roy Orbison

A local Texas loser (Meatloaf) becomes enamored of a girl he meets when the camper she's traveling in breaks down. He follows her to LA and then to NYC as she tries to achieve her ambition of losing her virginity to Alice Cooper. Not a real good movie, but I enjoyed it.

The Cool and the Crazy

I can't tell if this is serious stuff or high camp. (Or both.) Fifties era high schoolers are roped in by a "pusher" selling marijuana, to which some of the guys become addicted and act like they've been on heroin for years. Scare tactics galore.

Love at Stake

Dave Thomas

Medieval send-up of the Puritans. The mayor and the judge of a small New England colonial town plot to steal the land and possessions of fellow town people by having them condemned as witches. Just silly.

This Property is Condemned

Robert Redford, Natalie Wood, Charles Bronson, Robert Blake, Michael Parks, Mary Badham, D: Sidney Pollock

Natalie Wood plays an archetypal role as an instinctually flirtatious southern princess who meets her match in a traveling railroad troubleshooter (Redford). Good stuff, if a bit morose. Classic. Not your typical Hollywood ending, which is a good thing. I like how the title refers not only to a house, but to Wood's character also.

The Dark Backward

1991

Judd Nelson, Bill Paxton, Wayne Newton, Rob Lowe,
Lara Flynn Boyle, James Caan

This has got to be the strangest, sickest gross-out film I've ever seen. A backward garbage man (Nelson), living in a hovel, pursues his ambition to become a stand-up comic, despite a total lack of talent. His career goes nowhere until he grows a third arm out of his back. Paxton plays his disingenuous friend, an absolutely amoral and disgusting fellow garbageman (in every sense of the term). Caan plays a disreputable doctor. Newton pretty much plays his slick self. Lowe, with the help of prosthetic nose, teeth, and chin, abandons his pretty-boy image to play a Hollywood sleeze. Lara Flynn Boyle plays it straight and is the only likable thing in the film. But this doesn't mean that this film can't be appreciated. It's pure art, but it's a very dark and backward art. The only really sour note in the film was Paxton's maniacal acting, which was funny at first, but got increasingly irritating as the film progressed (or degressed).

Lost Souls

2001?

Winona Ryder, John Hurt, Alfrie Woodard, Elias Koteas

A good production with excellent acting, all wasted on another ridiculous cliche of an end-times story with a simplistic plot and lots of dropped characterizations that could have been made into memorable sketches (Woodard, the attendant at the institute, the cop, et al). Started out great, but fizzled early on. Disappointing.

Escape from Athena

Roger Moore, Elliot Gould, Stephanie Powers, Richard Roundtree, David Niven, Telly Savalas, Sonny Bono, Claudia Cardinale

Second-rate detainees during WWII are assigned to work at an archaeology site plundering treasures for the Nazis. But they get the idea that elusive treasures exists up on the mountain and they concoct a plot to get at them. The first half was pretty good, but then it turned into a typical, boring action film, a common fault in filmmaking.

A Million for Juan

1993

Paul Rodriquez, Paul Williams, Edward James Olmos,
Ruben Blades, Cameo-Cheech Marin, D-Paul Rodriquex

A Mexican-American, born in The U.S., but classified as illegal, struggles to make ends meet when he receives a check for a million dollars from an unknown benefactor. Although he must give the check back in thirty days, it changes his life forever. But, it's not the check that changes his life so much as it is his own lovable self. Weak plot, but nice vibes. But the basic plot flaw can't be ignored: If a quasi-legal and broke Mexican-American guy gets a cashier's check for a million dollars, is he really not going to cash it? And he has to give the money back? Who says so?

Detroit City Rock

Edward Furlong, cameo: Joe Flaherty

Four high school rockers, aspiring musicians, overcome social prejudice and major obstacles in order to attend a KISS concert, and they grow up (just a little bit) in the process. Entertaining, but not very profound.

Crimes and Misdemeanors

Martin Landau, Jerry Orbach, Angelica Houston, Sam Waterson, Woody Allen, Alan Alda, Mia Farrow, Claire Bloom, Darryl Hannah

This could be Woody's best film. A doctor struggles with the problem of his mistress threatening to reveal their relationship to his wife if he doesn't make good on his "promises" to her, while Woody's character struggles with his usual angst. The two meet at the end at a party in a cleverly constructed scene that ties the film together.

They Nest

Dean Stockwell, John Savage

A stressed-out doctor takes a leave of absence from the city hospital and goes to live on an island in Maine at a second home he purchased a year earlier before his divorce. But here he is further stressed by a plague of super-cockroaches that use the human body as a nesting site. Icky, but not much more.

Tin Cup

Kevin Costner, Renee Russo, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson

A classic underachiever golf pro is motivated by love and rivalry to compete professionally. Typical stuff, except for the unusual resolution.

Straw Dogs

1972

Dustin Hoffman, Susan George, David Warner, D: Sam Peckinpaw.

An American mathematician goes to his English wife's native town to spend time working on his math; but he encounters locals who, along with his wife, have ideas of their own about how he'll spend his time. Still a powerful film even today.

Strange Invaders

1983

Paul LeMat, Louise Fletcher, Karen Allen

Actually a pretty good rendition of a fifties sci-fi flick format. Although not up to the quality of better films of this genre, such as the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it had all the 'appeal' of the earlier era with the production values of modern moviemaking. (The dialogue and acting could have been better, but it was sufficient.) I could have done without the upbeat ending, however.

Blue Sky

Tommy Lee Jones, Jessica Lange, Power Boothe,
Carrie Snodgress, Timothy Bottoms, Chris O'Donnell

A military nuclear engineer has difficulties with his wife's erratic temperament as well as with the military's blase attitude toward civilian casualties during tests of the atomic bomb.

Mr. North

Anthony Edwards, Robert Mitchum, Anjelica Huston,
Harry Dean Stanton, Mary Stuart Masterson, Lauren Bacall, Virginia Madsen, Tammy Grimes, David Warner

A young man is accused of practicing medicine without a license when he performs certain 'miracles' among his charges and acquaintances. Interesting, but ultimately ordinary stuff.

The Dead

1987

Angelica Huston, Dan O'Herlihy, Colm Meaney, D: John Huston

Some literature should not be made into movies. This classic short story is a perfect example. Although this film was critically acclaimed (perhaps more as a tribute to an aged great director than for it's quality), it was (like the story itself) slow and ponderous and easy to miss the point for audiences uneducated in English literature. Not for everyone.

Brave New World

1998

Peter Gallagher, Leonard Nimoy, Miquel Ferrer

A couple on a sightseeing tour of the 'uncivilized' areas outside the city become stranded and encounter local inhabitants, one of whom they bring back to their futuristic society, with disastrous results. Postmodern version of a classic of literature.

Oblivion

1994

Julie Newmar, Meg Foster, Issac Hayes, George Takai

Surreal, Old West/alien sci fi fantasy involving a mix of divergent multicultural elements woven together into an unbelievable story that is nevertheless entertaining, if a bit of a B movie.

Johnson County War

Burt Reynolds, Tom Berrenger, Luke Perry, Rachel Ward

Three brothers battle the evil forces of cattle barons. Good, solid storytelling, but not much more.

Heat

1997

Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight,
Natalie Portman, Jeremy Piven, Diane Venora, Amy Brennenman, Tom Sizemore, Dennis Haysbert, Ashley Judd

Professional thieves match wits with a top police detective and fight sedition within their own ranks. Good effects. And any movie that has both DeNiro and Pacino in it has got to have some entertainment value. Touching ending scene between the pair. How cute.

Too Young to Die

Juliet Lewis, Brad Pitt, Michael O'Keefe

A naive newly married teenager runs away to find her military husband and, trying to survive on her own, ends up accused of murder. Lewis does a good job, but the rest of the movie is just so-so.

Welcome Home

Kris Kristofferson, Jobeth Williams, Brian Keith,
Sam Waterson, Trey Wilson

A Vietnam vet who remained in-country after escaping from the Vietnamese, is found through a series of coincidences and returned home, where he confronts his past. I didn't appreciate this film the first time I saw it. I thought it was just another good story. I didn't see the symbolism and the subtleties.

Outbreak

Dustin Hoffman, Renee Russo, Donald Sutherland,
Cuba Gooding Jr., Kevin Spacey, Morgan Freeman

Started out with some pretty bad dialogue and cliched devices, but it got better to the point of being just an ordinary movie. A perfect example of how Hollywood can take a topical subject and mundane it into mediocrity with formulaic characters and plot.

Just Cause

2000

Sean Connery, Kate Capshaw, Daniel J. Trivanti,
Lawrence Fishburne, George Plimpton,
Ed Harris, Kevin McCarthy, Ned Beatty

A Harvard professor, at the behest of his wife, who has a hidden personal agenda, goes to Florida to defend a black guy who he thinks is unjustly accused of a murder. Twists on a typical plot structure fail to make it any better. An excellent performance by Ed Harris as a death row inmate.

Golddiggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain

Anna Chlumsky. Christina Ricci

I don't know why I continued to watch this. It was a stupid juvenile movie with bad direction. But it was a great fantasy early on, especially the part about the secret boat that one of the girls restored.

Father Hood

Patrick Swayzy

An outlaw father is accused of kidnapping his kids when the older girl escapes from her reform school and pays him a visit. As a result of his kids' presence he himself is reformed. Typical Swayze stuff, but one of his better roles. (Did you catch the double meaning of the title?)

Bounce

Ben Affleck, Tony Goldwin, Gweneth Paltrow,
James Brooks, Johnny Galecki

Acquaintances formed in an airport during a delay changes the life of a slick ad executive when he fatefully exchanges his ticket with another guy so that he can spend the night with a woman they met. Very well done, but a little bit formulaic. Great performance by Johnny Galecki (David from the Roseanne show, in case you didn't know). Favorite line: "It's not brave if you're not scared." (Affleck)

Panic in Year Zero

Ray Milland, Frankie Avalon, D: Ray Milland

At the onset of nuclear war, a family heads out into the wilderness to survive, only to encounter the dangers of the uncivilized world. A little unrealistic in its premise that the American social structure would completely fall apart when a handful of large cities are nuked. Nevertheless, it's an accurate, if simplistic study of human nature.

Bye Bye Love

Matthew Modine, Paul Riser, Randy Quaid, Amy Brennenman, Janeane Garafalo, Rob Reiner. Lindsay Crouse

Three divorced fathers deal with their love life and their visiting kids. Jaded, comedic view of postmodern life. Reiner plays a perfectly sarcastic radio divorce psychologist. Crouse should get the 'perfect bitch of the year' award for this one.

Lace

1984

Bess Armstrong, Brooke Adams, Phoebe Cates,
Angela Lansbury, Anthony Quayle, Herbert Lom

I was turned off right from the start by a lot of unbelievably bad exposition. But I persisted in watching this unnecessarily long (padded) 'romance novel' and it paid off, sort of. Its premise is a good mystery device (one of three elite schoolgirls gets pregnant and they the keep the identity of the mother a secret by inventing a fictional character named Lucinde Lace), but the acting (or direction, or script) left a lot to be desired. I did not want to watch this movie and from the start put up a big resistance to it, but I ended up liking it, somewhat, especially when Quayle, as the obstetrician, was introduced. Phoebe Cates plays a destructive little bitch exactly true to form. From my experience, this is the kind of cunt to stay away from, for sure. Don't try to do battle with her and expect to win--unless you're her mom. Classic pivotal line: "Incidentally [long pause], which one of you bitches is my mother?"

The Lathe of Heaven

Lucas Haas, James Caan, David Straithairn, Lisa Bonet

Set in the future, this story proposes that a young man dreams the present into existence, changing the course of history. A clever psychologist, a dream specialist, manipulates the guy's talent to promote his career. The original version (a PBS production) had a much more sinister atmosphere.

Mr. and Mrs. Bridge

Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward, Blythe Danner, Kyra Sedgwick

It's easy to overlook Danner's superb performance as a suicidal housewife in this outstanding laid-back drama about an aging staid sedate lawyer (Newman) and his dissatisfied wife (Woodward). Excellent acting all around. Not much happens, but it happens in an interesting way.

Beautiful

Minnie Driver, Joey Lauren Adams, Hallie Kate Eisenberg,
Michael McKean, Kathleen Turner, D: Sally Field

In this send-up of the beauty pageant industry, a girl, from early childhood on, has the single-minded ambition of becoming a beauty queen, which she uses to escape her less than adequate home life and the awareness of her superficiality. Adams is excellent as the friend who enables her ambitions.

Overexposed

1992

Marcy Walker, Dan Lauria, Terrence Knox

A happily married woman is duped by a friend into believing that her husband is cheating on her. I saw through the con right from the beginning. It's so obvious. And I spent the rest of the movie wondering how people can be so dumb. This movie made me mad at both the perpetrator and the victims. Includes a great shot from above of a crowd of people in a large lobby walking in all directions across a mandala floor pattern, symbolic of the confused state of mind of the protagonist. Based on a true story.

The Court Martial of Billy Mitchell

1955

Gary Cooper, Ralph Bellamy, Charles Bickford, Rod Steiger, Elizabeth Montgomery, Jack Lord, Peter Graves, Darren McGavin, D: Otto Preminger

Good solid historical drama, mostly free of the hoopla and ballyhoo and typical phony posturing of actors of the time (with the exception of Bellamy in some instances). Montgomery's film debut.

Blood Crime

2002

James Caan

A city detective moves to the country to escape the crime and becomes involved in a murder when his wife is attacked at their campground. Well-plotted made for tv movie with great twists and some good character work by Caan.

Cousins

Ted Dansen, Isabella Rossilini, William L. Petersen,
Keith Coogan, Lloyd Bridges, Sean Young

A carefree guy falls in love with a cousin by marriage, avoids having an affair with her, and tries hard to prevent their friendship from disrupting their lives. One of the better movies I've seen. Dansen at his best. Well-drawn characters and believable social situations and interactions. Like watching your family interact. I especially liked Coogan, who was as endearing in his role as Dansen's son as he was as Christine Applegate's younger brother in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.

Mac and Me

ET rip-off with very little to recommend it. If you want to see this kind of thing, go for the Spielberg version. The aliens are a bit interesting though. I think 'South Park' may have ripped them off in the episode about the Jakovosaurus--or whatever they were called.