by j-a

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December 2010

'Tis the Season to be Maulin

Christmas in July

Hello, Mr. Shintoist. Merry fucking Christmas. God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic Pagan scum.
"South Park"
I hate Christmas. When people hear me say that, they always think I'm not serious, that it's some kind of joke; but it's not. I despise Christmas. What I especially hate about it is its inherent hypocrisy, how people cherish the ideal of the "peace on earth" communion (what they really mean is peace on earth for those of us who believe in the Christian faith and the rest of you heathens can all go to hell) while they get all stressed out in the weeks preceding the Big (anti-climatic) Event as they try in the caustic frigid weather to get all of their shopping done, their presents wrapped, their decorations up, turning into overdriven pricks and bitches in the stores, on the roads, and in their homes.

I can almost understand how people might justify their bad behavior in preparation for a coming day that will negate it (except for the families, and there are plenty of them, who get together only to end up drinking and fighting amongst themselves and later, in the spirit of the season, apologizing to each other in a maudlin mood just short of a drunken stupor), but I absolutely cannot tolerate the banality of the standard Christmas imagery that further negates the true spirit of Christmas (Christ's real message, which everyone seems to have forgotten all about, if they ever really knew it in the first place), the Santa Clauses and their eerie elves and flying reindeer, oh, and don't forget the Mrs. Clauses--and the candy canes (that's just what people need, more sugar); all the bad art of the superficial mythos of a modern Christmas, the undisguised and unapologetic commercialism that yet implies that if you do not participate, not only will you be a Scrooge, but you'll be an unpatriotic American capitalist as well.

It's all a shitload of anti-artistic claptrap, and I avoid the entire season with its low light levels, its frozen moisture, and its deficit of temperate climate as much as I possibly can. I think we'd be far better off having Christmas in July, when the weather would support the intent of the holiday instead of detracting from it. I know the whole purpose of celebrating the event in December (I'm conveniently ignoring herein the southern climes where the holiday was exported to) is to combat the deficits of winter; but I don't care. Christmas in July seems like so much of a better idea to me. And, as long as I'm proposing changing it, we might as well pass a law that bans its commercial exploitation. I don't know how that would work, but I think it's a great idea. Go ahead and call me a communist if you must, but Christmas and capitalism just don't jibe. They're polar opposites; unless, of course, you're thinking of the more modern form of fundamentalist Christianity, which is not Christianity at all, but some bastardization. Remember those warnings about false Christs? Merry fucking Christmas